11.00pm

We had a disagreement about real estate agent. 

He hit me again. 

My butt hurts.

He punched my neck. 

We made love yesterday. 

I felt used. 

I gave in and he didn't care. Sex is just an act for him. To release himself.

He hurt me again! 

Hurt. 15th Sept 2016

Today, I got hit. 

He has been snapping at me. One minute he is nice another minute he's a monster. But at the end of the day, it is always my fault.

So today, he tried recording my 'meltdown'. It's always me. 

So he hit me.

He twisted my already sore wrists, punched me on my butts. Kept hitting my back.

How can he love me if he hits me? 

My wrists are hurting. 

My behind is hurting.

My back and shoulders are in pain from him twisting my right arm and punching my right shoulder blades.

I have scrapes on my knees from him dragging me on the floor.

I must be insane.

I actually still demanded that he hold me.

I love him.

I'm going thru a difficult time.

Mum and dad in Singapore are hospitalized and I can do nothing. I can't even go home. And he's picking on me.

I want all these to end.

I pray every night.

I pray that GOD would take my life and end the sufferings of everyone around me. 

My existence is a burden.

My baby sees me getting beaten up.

I am ashamed.

she, a different person....

same me but different?

i've been pretty unsure about a lot of things lately....disappointed, yes! I'm....I don't know.
the more i'm trying to stay positive, the more crap it give me....i need to be strong an know my priorities.

i need change and with that, i need to do things differently!
28th May 2012, here we go........!!

Content.

Where do I begin?




Today is 19th October 2010.

Life has been pretty alright up till now.

I am content.



I have been through a lot for the past years.

I have learnt to control my emotions and not take my partner for granted.

As of today, we are working out our issues and slowly but surely, we’re getting better.

I have been busy with work but I am happy.



New environment, new colleagues, new outlook to things in life….

I am happy.

be happy

i'm happy.

happier now than i was.

things don't go as planned all the time but it's alright.

we're better now and it's better to forget the past and move on.

:)

till then... have a good life ahead :D

i was calm.

I may not be the kindest person or the most patience person in the whole wide world.

But I love you.

Take all the time you need.

I love you.

"Take the first step in faith.

You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'll take that first step in faith.

I have faith in us.

I don't have to see the whole staircase but I'll take that first step.

Because I love you.

:)

Feeling alright today :)

At the moment...heh..

Here's a little bit of inspiration to make your day fun, fabulous and full of joy.

"The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.”


—Sir James M. Barrie

Life's about sacrifices right?

And relationship's about give and take?

Compromising?

...hmmmm...

Understanding....and the list goes on...

He puts up with my yoyo emotions, my temper, insecurities and at times uncertainties...

I too should give him some space and let him be when he wants to..

Thing is, it's not that I don't want to...

Tho most of the time he's clean, there are other times that he goes to the extremes.

Like when he said he's gonna be at his relatives, when he actually met up with his ex, in his words to confront her for the things she did to me...well, that was way in the past but...I, myself, dont do such things.

If my ex calls(not that i picked it up. I never do), I let him know.

When my exes msgs...he knows....

I share with him everything.

Coz he's my priority and my partner.

No secrets.

But things that he comes up with...

1. The meeting up with the Ex,

2. Taking pics of random women,

3. Exchanging number with waitress at a pub after he had a lil arguement with me coz I didnt let him go out with a male friend who just broke up with his gf and adamant on meeting my bf alone and bugged him for weeks...if it's that urgent, why can't they just talk over the phone n if it's serious, then meet up? Something fishy, right? It's not like I dont know this friend of his and the gf! Best part was he saved that pinoy's number in his phone under a different name.

How I come to know abt all the above is by CHANCE/RANDOM!!

1. I said, she was telling stuffs to me abt their r'ship, well, the bitch blurted it out of coz!

Think she'll keep the meeting a secret?

Hell NO!

2. Random! Totally random! I was on his computer and wanted to upload my pics on the then friendster.

Lo and behold...pics of women at places where we go to...and yeah a few, right after he just sent me to WORK. Yeah, outside my workplace.

3. He told me to go have a rest and we'll meet the next day and resolve the problem.

Don't think abt the problem and sleep.

He was VERY CALM.

I felt something was amiss...went to his place and he wasnt in.

I dont know why I did this but I called his voicemail and heard a woman's voice....guess what I heard at the background? I heard his voice!

My thoughts was that his friend couldnt find him and called his mobile...and when the part I heard his voice, that's when his friend Joshua found him...

BUT NO!!!!

Here's the thing.

He switched off his phone coz he doesnt want me to keep on calling him.

The pinoy waitress called his number to leave a missed call.

I got her number, I heard her voice.

Over the 8 years with him, I've forgave the things he put me thru.

I put him thru shit too...but I realised I did all those stupid things coz he made me miserable to begin with.

On the onset, he's a nice guy.

But everyone has a flaw.

I live with this and he lives with mine.

But we should work something out that actually makes each other happy, right?

So, he made me mad, I react.

Not the best of ways but I did.

He put up with it(my reaction) and since he has his ways of stepping back or something, I should let him.

I am hesitant coz everytime he stepped back, he did something.

Everytime I wanna trust him, it's ruined.

I mean for the past few days, he said he's with family.

It's been five years since they've been away.

I amidst all the things he put me thru, was with him always.

But for a long holiday and Sunday being Valentines day and he didnt even bother to do anything with me.

I have the right to be sad, right?

The late replies to my messages, him hesitant to call me unless I ask him to coz my calls to him are, well, unanswered.

I was sad.

I was mad.

I was unsure.

But I love him.

Am I stupid?

I don't know.....

Back to sacrifices, give and take, compromising, understanding and perhaps trust.

I'll give this another chance.

I hope he's got good explanations.

If he doesn't it's ok.

I'll just know where I stand.

I'll just better myself, learn to be happy on my own and live life the way I should.

I deserve it.

So for now, I'll be smiling the whole day today coz it's easier than replaying all the bad memories :)

Till the next post!

Thank you for reading :)

I need to be ok

when we got back together,

i told myself not to repeat the same mistake

i've learnt that if i pushed you away,

you wont know ur way back

so many times you said that you're afraid that i might still hate you

but would i reconciled if i do?

we said our sorries, you hugged and you kissed me....

why do all that and promised this will be a better one than the last?

that we'll work it out somehow?

when all u do now is to run as far away from me?

i do...

i do hate it when you're with ur family

my calls go unanswered,

my messages replied an hr or two late...

and u stop making plans to spend time with me :(

it is different when u see me after work

you see me just for dinner before u head home

what's so wrong with me wanting more?

i want a date,

it doesnt necessarily be romantic

but

a day out and not when u're after work

but a day out in town, just US

it's a long holiday this week...

u not only got no plans for this week....

but you've got no plans for us..

do i have to continue enduring this pain for scraps of affection from you?

i know myself better

take care of myself

if he loves me, he loves me

if he wants me, he wants me

question now is do i want him treating me this way?

just take care of myself and be happy

when i am happy, things will be ok......

now go sleep :)

i want to ramble

so many things to say

i just don't know anymore

at times, i'm ok

at times, the anxiety is just killing me

the fights are all so childish now

sometimes, i'm ok and he's the unreasonable one

at times he's ok and i'm the irrational one

but it's all my fault

i made us like this

what should i do?

i hate being the one to initiate everything

from messages to phone calls and now our dates

i don't know

things are very intense right now

it's time i take care of myself

focus on myself

it's me time

Prioritse Work, Money, Family

Once you're back on track, see if he's worth it.

One day at a time.

Do not call him.

I'll be ok. :)

14 more days to a new job, a new ME.

Things to do;

Monday - 15/02/2010

• 
  
  Watch TV
• 
  
  Play some games online
• 
  
  Sleep early, I'll need to get use to waking up at 6am soon
• 
  
  Stay positive :)

Tomorrow will be a better day :)

I'll be ok :)

2010 - Feb

Emotions have been yoyo-ing...

We're both just so different.

When I'm calm, he gets riled up.

He does the things that he disliked in me.

How do I change and be better when he's turning into the "UGLY ME"?

I love him and knows that he loves me.

But why are we like this?

8910August2009......

Infidelity isn’t pretty in marriages or otherwise. Some might even say it is to be expected by either man OR woman. Expected or not, it isn’t a pleasant experience but strength you didn’t know you even had is a beautiful thing – and so is love despite it all.

the distance.....

it's amazing that after all these years, there are still bits and pieces of each other's past that we dont know of....
last saturday was spent walking around.....
we covered quite a distance
reminds me of when we were younger......walking up n down orchard road to fort canning and back..... :)
only this time, we covered the whole of hortpark.

the weather was awesome.....very breezy n perfect for a day out.
i had fun sitting around pretty landscape and just catching up with my boyfriend.
simple things like this being in each other's company and cracking stupid jokes and just be ourselves. i realised that he's the only one that i'm always at ease with. the one who treats me with so much love even on days where i'm an utter bitch. the one who forgives the minute i said sorry, the one who'll forgive instantly without dramas...i love h/a/b/i/b m/a/n/s/o/o/r :)

after exploring hortpark, we took a walk on the alexandra link bridge...

it was a lovely walk....after the long walk on the bridge, we took the bus and headed for Sentosa...hehe....
cinderella reached home before midnight. :p
thank you, sweetheart for sending me back again :)
and only after i had my shower did i realised how sore my feet were!!!
like duh.....we practically walked the whole day!!!....
with the right companion, you tend to not feel bored/tired and what-have-yous....
woke up slightly late on Sunday n met up with my honeybunny again...this time we headed to Pastamania since they're now HALAL, for the yummy linguine....i had the meatballs pasta n chose the spicy chicken
they were alright tho my fav wld be the one home cooked by yours truly...hehe...
we went to the one at Hougang Mall, and on the way to the mall, i was greeted by a very delicious aromatic smell of dam briyani.
found out that shaik sabri has opened up a briyani stall there.
will buy it one day....yummy briyani!
after our meal, we headed down to Punggol park and just chilled there.
it's been 7 years and yes, my bf and i are the park ppl.
we love to just chill out at the park and have good conversations.
i'm kinda contemplating buying the nasi briyani later and have it for dinner with my sayang...but the calories that we'll be consuming...arrghhh.....oh well, we've still got the badminton and running and swimming sessions and....lol...
oh well, till the next update.....

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

Try this!!!

Trust me, it takes only few seconds.

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind.

And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand..

Your foot will change direction!!!

And there is nothing you can do about it.
Share this with your friends...

I'm sure they'll find this interesting too!!! ....hehe....

Hello Sunshine!!!

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

I'm still here....Alhamdulilah.

I've been busy with lotsa projects and alot of positive things going on.

I'm kinda overwhelmed by the ongoings.

But, shall perservere for my future.

The love of my life and I are breezing thru 2009 like old love birds.

Been spending more time with each other and exporing new things together.

He has indeed taught me that,
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom."

I am thankful to Allah for all the lessons he made me go thru to appreciate the love ones around me.

Those who always stood by my side no matter what and a loving significant other who still cares for me irregardless. Alhamdulilah.

Indeed, it is true that, Allah (swt) will never burden you with more than you can bear.

THE PLAN

it has been a very busy week for both my sweetheart n I
him with his classes and I with never ending appointments

but the time that we spent with each other nowadays are much more meaningful

distance makes the heart grow fonder

i've been a very good girl

and he's been rewarding me generously with his time and effort

i'm blessed

we started our new year on a right note

it has been going on well, Alhamdulilah.

alot of things have been planned and we're excited to undertake them for our most anticipated future

after much consideration n weighing out the pros n cons, we've decided to meet up with Abg Z
who is Abg Z?
Soon you'll know....

the meeting was pleasant and boy, Singapore is indeed super duper small!!!

during the meeting, we found out that Abg Z and hubster had previously been in correspondence due to the nature of their job and to make it more interesting, they are both from the same unit for their reservist camp!!!

our meeting with Abg Z and his lovely wife ended till past wee hrs of the am

there's so much to talk and share

we were both very happy with their hospitality and the advice that they shared

last night, we met up with S in town

a kind and an awesome chap....can't wait for the follow-up meeting set next monday!!!!

lots more thing lined up for us tonight right thru the weekend......

i am super excited!!!

will be going to expo later to WORK ;s

kind darling's nice enough to accompany me :)

things lined up this weekend;
friday @ expo
sat - complete the pending websites

sun - meeting with wann at TS

mon - meeting with S at BktBtk

tues - complete assignment

wed - meeting with Y frm GBG

thurs - assignment

friday - assignment

sat - ??

sun - ??

ok...i'm tired already :)

will try to update soon and as much as I can....

till then...toodlesss

to tell or not to tell.....

...just a lil update...

hmmmphhh....hehe....

but i seriously need to lose the weight for this!!!

arrghhhh!!!!

on another note, come the 23rd, it'll be our 7th yr.....n i'm excited for a lot of things.

Insya'Allah, project A - Z can be achieved!

AMIN!!!

GREAT MONDAY!

My sweetheart took half day leave today and spent the rest of the day with me.

It was nice walking around town on a working day and doing things that we seldom do.

We had our lunch at Puncak followed by a trip down to Borders.
Got ourselves a lil something for a lil 'project' that he'd like to take up and for us to do.....for memory sake....and then off we went to a lil special place to just be ourselves and enjoy each other's company.

We've both grown over the past years and lotsa changes that takes place....but I'm thankful to God that our feelings, love and respect for one another will forever remains.

Sayang, thank you. :)

HAPPY 2009!!!

Hello peeps!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2007 was a painful yet meaningful year for me.

I welcomed 2008 with my beloved youngest sister and friends.

2008 has been kind to me.

It was challenging but rewarding as well.
This year, my baby sister was again with me and we both ushered in 2009 together with our own beloved sweethearts......

Initially, we thought of celebrating the New Year either at the Marina Bay or Marina Barrage but the fact that the place are gonna be jammed packed with ppl we decided that we rather spend quality time with each other.
Also my sweetheart has recently picked up a hobby and he wanted to try capture the images of the fireworks, thus the location - Mount Faber.

While waiting for the countdown n fireworks to start we decided to play scrabble that K brought.

At the same time, we feast on beef steak goreng n sup tulang2 frm the Famous beach road stall.
Thank you, Vef n K :)

We played a couple of rounds and the winner is.......

Soon after, the fireworks began.......We were able to watch the fireworks from 4 different venues at the same time. The Marina Bay's, Vivo city's, Sentosa's, Mount Faber's and even the random flares frm some ship/boat....
I gotta say that The Mount Faber's got the prettiest fireworks but the one at Marina Bay's was super worth it! It was the longest and if I'm not wrong it was reported to last for a full 8 minutes long!!!
Fireworks are amazing...my absolute favourite for any occassion....heh...it was just awesome being on mount faber with all the fireworks shooting up n colouring the sky with it's sparkles....
The best thing in life are indeed FREE!!!
Here's a pic of my baby's in action.....
I didnt manage to capture the beautiful fireworks coz I was too mesmerised by the beauty and was in awe. H, however, managed to capture beautiful pics. I guess, I shall just wait for the end product when he shows it to me later this week.....I've had a tiring day.....
I had an amazing evening/morning today.....
I hope 2009 will be as amazing as 2008 and meaningful for me.
A new journey, a new chapter.....

Hasyir's birthday.....

HASYIR'S BIRTHDAY!!!

It was 7yrs ago when my bf and I got together at my sister's wedding.
I kinda invited him n Yusof aka Joe aka Spaggie...haha..was kinda surprised when they both turned up.
From that day onwards, the bf n I are inseparable. (:
The year that we got together, Durra & Hasyir were born - April and Dec 2002 respectively.
These two darlings so far...are amongst my favourite ;p

Durra's my best girlfriend and Hasyir's my sweetheart. Hasyir's a darling. Very patience, very sweet, a very understanding son/nephew/ grandson. I love Hasyir!

Technically, I love them all but these two, have a special place in my heart.

Last Eid al-Adha, were spent at home.
My sister's family came over to my eldest brother's and we decided to celebrate Hasyir's belated 6th birthday. (psst...my bf n I have been together for SIX YEARS!!!)
We werent able to celebrate with him on the actual day coz he was away with his parents on a holiday in KL. And we decided to throw this suprise party for him on Eid coz it was our turn (my brother's family, my younger sister and I) to leave for a week work cum vacation in KL.

Anyways, lotsa things happened on that night.....I shall let the pics speak for itself :)

to be continued.....

still here...hehe...

lotsa been happening (:

i'm super lazy.....lazy to update...hehe...

will be back ;)

so....stay tuned?