hate it!

hate is a strong word, no?
it sucks big time!
i'm all prepared for my date with you.
i'm dressed for a date.
i've been feeling awesome, amazing.
my monday's been great till you called.

i was delighted to hear your voice.
but i was not expecting the words that you said next...
i understand that you've been ill over the weekend.
i should have given you the benefit of a doubt.
it should be ok that we're not gonna meet up today.
today of all days, you decided to see the doctor, again.
it's ok.
if we're meant to be, it doesnt matter when we'll see each other next.
i've lived my life without you the past 6 mths.
eventho, i've been looking forward to this evening, all dressed up and all....
i am disappointed at myself for feeling this way.
i'm unsure if you're doing it on purpose or....
the feeling i'm feeling right now, just sucks!

i dont know what or how to feel anymore.




@nayle

you

we met last night
after more than 6 mths apart
finally, i'm breathing slightly easier now
i've missed you so much

it was nice seeing you :)

the phonecall

it's been getting harder for me to breathe
i just had to give in
happy
like a lil girl being offered a candy
that how content i am right now
right now
i know this silly head will somehow think of one thousand other things
but for now,
i'm content with the conversation
i'm glad we talked last night
i bit my tongue several times
i badly wanted to tell you how much i missed you
i wiped my tears and breathe in deeply
i put up a 'brave' front but baby i miss you so....

i get it now....

perhaps i was wrong.
so very wrong.
denial.
maybe this is how you feel now.....

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

stupid

yes this is stupid
i kept thinking abt you
MOVE ON!!!
it's been more than 6 mths since we broke-up and never kept in touch
i've tried moving on
getting to know people
meeting new people
but i just don't feel it
what is it?
i want to move on but it's the wrong kinda person
i want to give in but it doesnt feel right
i want to experiment with it but i'm too weak n i know i'll just be hurting myself
there's so many of 'i wants....' when deep down inside and truth of the matter is that, all i really wanted is YOU.
after all that we've been thru,
after all that i've put you thru,
all that u made me endure....
the good, the bad, the ugly....i've always loved you.
maybe what vincent said was true....u've stopped loving me....
i drove you to that decision...
today is tuesday.....i have to start living my own life.

lies

how long has it been now?

how much lower can i stoop?

it's been months since it all ended....

how am i?

i dont know myself anymore.

it's self-destructive they say

should i or should i not care?

what is it?

my heart feels heavy

it's been difficult to breathe

i can't sleep

I CANNOT SLEEP

i've cried

tears just flows everytime i think of you

it's been difficult

i can't stop thinking of you

denial

ego

lies

arrogance

i miss you, sayang

I MISS YOU

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!

I miss you...

we were so wrong

i've tried, trying to be on my own

i'm so lonely

so very lonely

why did it go wrong

why did we let it

why did you give up

why am i crying so hard now???

WHY???

there's so much to say

there's so much to tell

i miss your warm embrace

i miss your smile, your laughter, your presence

why is this test so harsh

why is it so hard

why am i weak

the pain stabbed deep within me

you're so cold

does it help u, being that way

is it easier for you to let go

how did you just throw it all away

to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

enough of procastinating

enough of dwelling

i'm only human

one day at a time

i'll learn to pacify

i'll learn to lick the wound

but for now....i'll just have to pick myself up somehow...

I can do it!

@nayle