Hasyir's birthday.....

HASYIR'S BIRTHDAY!!!

It was 7yrs ago when my bf and I got together at my sister's wedding.
I kinda invited him n Yusof aka Joe aka Spaggie...haha..was kinda surprised when they both turned up.
From that day onwards, the bf n I are inseparable. (:
The year that we got together, Durra & Hasyir were born - April and Dec 2002 respectively.
These two darlings so far...are amongst my favourite ;p

Durra's my best girlfriend and Hasyir's my sweetheart. Hasyir's a darling. Very patience, very sweet, a very understanding son/nephew/ grandson. I love Hasyir!

Technically, I love them all but these two, have a special place in my heart.

Last Eid al-Adha, were spent at home.
My sister's family came over to my eldest brother's and we decided to celebrate Hasyir's belated 6th birthday. (psst...my bf n I have been together for SIX YEARS!!!)
We werent able to celebrate with him on the actual day coz he was away with his parents on a holiday in KL. And we decided to throw this suprise party for him on Eid coz it was our turn (my brother's family, my younger sister and I) to leave for a week work cum vacation in KL.

Anyways, lotsa things happened on that night.....I shall let the pics speak for itself :)

to be continued.....

still here...hehe...

lotsa been happening (:

i'm super lazy.....lazy to update...hehe...

will be back ;)

so....stay tuned?

Forgiven...

"It is in forgiving that we are forgiven"

Say: 'O My servants who have transgressed against your own souls:do not despair of God's mercy,for God forgives all sins.It is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'Qur'an (39:53)

ps: my friend, i've forgiven you since long time ago.

no one else but you....

my sat started out horribly wrong!!!
nothing seems right...
i realised that i wasnt being to fair to those who matters most so i decided to shrug if off my shoulders n move on with things

my boyfriend's amazing....i am guilty of venting my frustrations at him
but he's always there, ever knowing how to calm me down
he was extremely sweet yesterday

he picked me up for dinner
and the first thing he did was to give me a big bear hug
it lasted for a good 10 mins

i was a cry baby
i wept on his shoulders
smudging my mascara n make-up
but i felt good right away...

thank you, sweetheart
YOU'RE THE BEST!

we then went to the nearby restaurant
we had sushi this time
the place was nice...the sashimis were awesome
as usual i didnt take any pic coz i was too hungry... ;p

after dinner we head over to newyork newyork! for dessert!!!
yeah, we both have sweet tooth...
this time round, the boyfriend ordered the mudpie and i had the chocolate lake or something....

the mudpie was nice but nothing beats the one frm Hard Rock Cafe or even NYDC...
but it was alright
my chocolate lake is basically some fried banana fritters, (or goreng pisang - the one fried with tepung adabi) with fresh strawberries floating on a thick chocolate sauce topped with vanilla ice-cream....i-screammmm!!!!.......SINFUL!!!!
it was super sinful!!!
but for the price that we paid, i could have 5 plates of it if i were to just do it at home
bananas & strawberries with chocolate can n will never go wrong!!
but i gotta watch the calories tho...hehe...

after desserts, we went shopping
i was looking out for toys for my nephew's 6th birthday
the boyfriend and i kinda sealed the deal....hehe...after i invited him over to my sister's wedding
well, my nephew's age always reminds me of how long i've been with my sweetheart
while i was busy shopping around, my sweetheart gave me a lil suprise....
he got for me a cute lil bear...and it's none other than the....

TENDERHEART BEAR!!!!

how appropriate!!
and since i nicknamed my boyfriend Bibi - short for habibi as in my lover in arabic- i'm gonna nickname the bear BEBE....hehe....lolx
this bear best describes my boyfriend
he said, "everytime you're down, hug him and think of me..."
now everybody!!....say...."AWWWWWW...."
hehehe...upon further inspection....lolx...inspection sia....haha...
i realised that Bibi and Bebe both have some similarities.....apart from being caring and kind...hehe...
LOOK BELOW haha...i'm evil!!!....lolx
oh well, after he gave me this gift, he brought me to someplace special to chill....
all in all, i had an amazing evening
we're back to what we used to be
the feeling's just awesome and this is the reason why i fall in love with him in the first place
Alhamdulilah, we both realised our mistakes and are putting in efforts to make this relationship works!
There's only one thing I gotta say....

mid-week wednesday....

baby took leave today so that we both could spend some time with each other and at the same time check out stuffs related to our future needs
yeah, it's abt time that we stop procastinating and get down to getting and being informed of stuffs that matters

intially, we're supposed to meet up early in the morning so that we could have breakfast before my meeting with the officials at SPH with regards to work
BUT
yours truly, woke up LATE!!!
Very LATE!

my appt with the SPH guys was at 10.30am but i was up only at 10am....yikes!!!
for the first time, after sooooooooo LONG...(read:school days) i took a freakin quick shower...haha...
unfortunately, i was 10 mins late for the appt :(
but all's good...met up with my sweetheart n thankfully he wasn't mad or anything...
well, he has never been mad at me or what not....he's a sweetheart!
he does get annoyed...lol...he's human but always forgiving - tho STUBBORN...but that's why i love him!

After SPH, the boyfriend and I went to FORK & SPOON at Toa Payoh for our lunch
he had some jap bento set while i had my favourite tom yam ban mian
the thing that i love abt this place is that everything's HALAL!!! (didnt take any pics coz we're both super duper hungy lar... ;p)

after lunch we took the lift to the 3rd floor and began our main plan for being there
those in the know, you'd know where we went to and for what purpose....hehe...
the design for the latest installment was awesome...very nicely done but we both dont quite fancy the location proposed
it was an exciting experience.... :)...lol...
we then went to the 1st floor to make some enquiries
we were told of our options
we decided not to rush and weigh out our options first
before we left told to apply/submit the HLE so that we'd have a rough idea of the range *&^% that we could afford :)

next, baby i went jalan2 round the neighbourhood
i used to grow up around the area n i'm sad that the famous nasi padang stall that has a row of halal food stalls being replaced by the usual kopitiam!
don't we have too many of those already?
i'm missing my rojak bandung, yong tau foo - their chili sause is awesome!!
the chicken rice stall....all GONE!!

in d end we decided to lepak at DeliFrance
since we've kinda just had our lunch, we decided to pig out on the desert instead
i would love to have their Lasagnes au Boeuf but...arrghh... i just had my lunch!!!
so we forgo Lasagnes au Boeuf n had the desserts instead!
my sweetheart ordered Mousse de Chocolat

it's actually Luxurious chocolate mousse coated with a layer of chocolate sauce, and a sprinkling of chocolate feeillentine
and i had the sinful Profiteroles au Chocolat
which is Vanilla ice cream in choux pastry, served with chocolate sauce.

here's the pic from the site vs the one on my plate...hehe...

it was freaking yummilicious!!!
SUPER SINFUL!!!
and i finished it off with a cup of warm mocha....HEAVEN!
the boyfriend n i discussed abt things and we managed to agree on alot that's on the list...
i'm very excited...hehe...
after a few hrs at DeliFrance we decided to chill elsewhere....decide to do something that we haven't for a while now...heh....we went karaoke-ing....
i could never sing to save my life....haha...and the only song that i can sing n it's passable are the songs frm KRU...hahaha....lawak..lawak....he on the other hand...not bad....
NOT BAD means VERY GOOD!!!
i had some vids of him singing but he made me promise that if i ever made it public, he'll stop singing me my lullabys n the cuban pete shoulder shimmy thingy...hehehe...
BUT i managed to steal a pic of him doing his THANG...lol...

i heart him....
i went back at 11.30pm
we did a lot of things today and i'm very tired....
really can't wait to see him again this Sat!!!!....haiz...the torture!
i'm gonna end this post with this mandatory couple pic
Dearest, sweetheart.....I LOVE YOU!

the little package....

i started off my day by meeting up my sweetheart at centerpoint
he had his exam at kaplan....yes of all days, on a SUNDAY!!
i have a feeling he'll do well for this paper....well, he's been getting As for his assignments n past papers, so I wasn't too worried for him

after we met, we decided to catch at movie at the cathay
we took a stroll instead of taking the bus....heh...we've lotsa calories to burn...eh
we talked abt anything n everything under the sun
i've always loved his company
his wit, his sense of humor...hehe...his presence...

we had our lunch at one of the restaurant there...kinda forgot the name of the place but the food was good
the portion was great for the price that we paid for...heh...
we will definitely go there again

after lunch we caught the latest Bond movie....
yeah, we're that SLOW...haha...we've been so busy!
Quantum of Solace (?)

personally, I've never been a fan of the James Bond movie after Sean Connery and this one, well... Judi Dench is better than ever and Daniel Craig, what can I say?, again excellent
he's still one nasty-ass dude, with the kind of rough-edged style that the 007 franchise hasn't seen since the glory days of Sean Connery, but the disappointing part was Olga Kurylenko
she's darn pretty but forgettable, unfortunately
it was said that the plot flows organically from the last instalment....I should have watched that first before purchasing the tix to this one

next, sweetheart n i decided to go to Sim Lim Square to check out the name card printing shop for their rates and some printers for work but unfortunately, the printing shop's closed and we decided to head back to my place after surveying the prices of the printers on offer

back at my place, we quickly get down to work
i've decided that he's the best person to take up the position as an editor for my web portal
he's amazing!!
his ideas and creativity...he's awesome!

seeing him hard at work, typing out proposals and coming out with creative ideas....
i've decided to give him his little gift that i got over the net..heh..how romantic...lol..
remember the post that i wrote abt the lil pkg?

well, here's the GIFT!!!.....hehehehehe...

in case you're wondering, the big boy is my gift that i received from GOD and the t-shirt, is THE GIFT that i got him...:p
my sweetheart looks darn HAPPY, isnt he...lol....
YEAH! He HEART me & my dad!!!.....hahaha...
full name sia...
well, that's not all
to be fair, i've made one for myself too!!
TTAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

n I look damn sexy wearing this lor....hahaha....
YUP...I HEART HIM TOO!!!
FULL NAME IS A MUST!
takut salah orang...hehe...
yeah, designed this myself...pfft...like it's so difficult like dat...heh..
and the best part is that you could design the back also...here's ours.... with the one and only....forever, Insya'Allah.
i've had an amazing week....can't wait for what it has in store for me next....
till next time, toodles ya'll.......

beesayyyyyyy......

BUSY!
lotsa things been happening!!!!
very the excited!
too many good things, it's been amazing
VERY EXCITED!!!
I vair happy GIRL! :D

anyways, a few weeks ago, the gorgeous couple, ashraf sinclair and bunga citra lestari finally tied the knot amidst numerous controversies...hehe...finally dah halal pun
i'm very happy whenever i receive news abt couples getting married
it's a wonderful journey that one finally embark on together with the love of their life

i fell in love with a duet that bunga sang during apm2008 with faizal tahir originally sung by ari lasso
well, i actually fell in love with faizal's vocal but well, that's how i got to know abt this bunga n ashraf person...lol..
anyways, i find it very sweet that ashraf tried to sing this popular song with his wife during their wedding

pic coutesy of Oh Bulan.com
so schweet!!! it is so obvious in the pic that ashraf's nervous..haha..
anyways, here's the song that they sang during their reception/dinner and the same song that i fell in love with....
Aku & Dirimu

AWESOME! I LOIKE!!


(hmm...will the boyfriend sing on our wedding day?....mmmm)

lunch date

just came back frm my lunch date with my sweetheart
it's been a long time since we lunched at Puncak -Far East Plaza
we had our usual beef kueh teow goreng with cockles and fried wanton/yu char kuey sotong combo....YUMMY!!!!...
back in the days, we frequent this place on a quite regular basis
and i really love the cheap good food there...and surprisingly, the food still taste the same after all these years
going there reminds me of our courtship days...heh...
n it feels like so yesterday...so yesterday...lalalalala.....
after lunch, we jln2 around Far East before sweetheart rushes back to work
I bought some portuguese egg tarts from the lil pushcarts on the ground level of Far East Plaza

egg tarts or some called it egg custard tart basically consist of an outer pastry crust, filled with egg custard and baked
the one that i bought, consists of custard in a crème brûlée-like consistency caramelized fashion in a puff pastry case
it was delicious
i forgot the name of the stall tho but the kids enjoyed it as much as i did
the pastry is kinda mix of crispy, soft moist and a lil flaky - very nice
i like the pastry crispy n the custard....super delish!
it's not toooooo sweet just the right consistency
i could perhaps ask the boyfriend to get me some the next time he comes for a visit and if the pushcart is still there
alrighty...that's it for today...get back to work...hmmph...

A neat little package....

i realised that it is so damn freaking difficult being in a relationship.
it's not just abt you.
i know he's content at times with me just telling him wat to do...heh...but i'm not that kinda girl.
UNFORTUNATELY!
i agree that at times it can be used to my own advantage but if it's too often, heh...i might as well be in a relationship with myself! ;p
see, no matter what, he's gotta give his input in whatever decisions we make that concerns us.
so you can imagine the conflict of opinions and disagreements that we have frm time to time but being with him, he has taught me that it is ok to have different views.
it is ok for me to have different opinions and it is ok for me not to agree with his ideas.
thing is, since i want his inputs, i too have to be ok when his ideas n ideals differs from mine....yikes...hehe....
acceptance, respect and tolerance
he is not perfect and i need to realise that neither am i and i am blessed to be with someone like him. :)
his willingness to listen and the effort he has put in the past mths, makes me appreciate his existence in my life
we've been together for so long and been thru the ups, downs n what have yous....we've realised that apart from all the above, efforts has to be put in by both parties esp when it comes to emotional pampering....hehe....
so YES, my boyfriend has been pampering me these days :D .... just like during our courtship/honeymoon period...hah...
he has stood by me thru the trying times and difficult days
he's always there reaching out when i feel like letting go
the support, the encouragements filled with love never fail to spur me on to push myself further to achieve success
we're gonna be embarking on a new journey together
my eldest brother has given his blessing to have my sweetheart be a part of our company after ng his work to contribute ideas in our projects.....i'm super excited!!!
back to pampering...i'm starting to have a bad habit of shopping online n I SHOP ALOT!!!
from apparels to facial products and recently, i got hooked on a website and decided to get something kinda mushy/tacky for the dearest sweetheart....heh...
and i'm amazed at their awesome prompt service coz the CUSTOMISED item arrives a day after I've placed the order :) efficient eh!
i will reveal the lil surprise only after my sweetheart receives the gift
for now....this lil package arrives this morning....
a reward for my sweetheart for being such a darling! ;p

i cannot wait to surprise/pass him this gift....hehehe....
of course i'll put it in a nicer packaging :)
oh well, gonna go to bed now.....got a lunch date to go to tmrw!
can't wait to see my sweetheart! :)

my happy FOOD!

Well, Sunday did not turn out quite as planned but I had a nice day anyway.
Started out my day feeling quite bummed out but as always happy food comes to the rescue!
People have different ways of dealing with their emotional upheavals.
Some will go for runs and others turn to food.
I used to either run or kick targets-back in NYP when I’m feeling down, the act of ‘running’ is a form of an escape for me to leave my problems behind and kicking targets, well I vent out all my frustrations by kicking the targets...heh...
But over the years, I got lazy :p
VERY lazy….hehe…
Instead, I started to turn to comfort food.
My happy FOOD!

Some will raid their well-stocked cabinets for junk food – think peanut butter, cookies, chips and ice-cream in every imaginable flavor.
Mine will either be ice-creams or a cup of cold milk with cornflakes, topped with lotsa almonds or walnuts and a sinful drizzle of chocolate syrup ….YUMMM!!!…

But yesterday, the boyfriend decided to be a darling and paid me a visit knowin I was feeling crappy - in an attempt to cheer me up! :)

He thought of bring me out for dinner but I just had mine since his visit was kinda pleasant suprise.

So instead, we bought Durra & Akmal out to Gelare for the super awesome cookies & cream ice-cream topped with Oreos and the delicious waffles soaked in hot chocolate, served with chocolate overload & wild berries ice-cream!

Talk about HAPPY FOOD!!! ...haha...
Made me VERY HAPPY indeed!!! (:
Luckily, I've had my dinner....or I'd have 2nd round of that sinful waffles with ice-cream!!!
We had a great time.
The kids were happy n they were cracking jokes all round.
I think they had fun with the boyfriend around...hehe...
We kinda ended the evening with our favourite peppermint milk tea with pearl.
Akmal made me promise to bring them out again to TIMEZONE the next time round.
The boyfriend cheered me up and I couldn't ask for more.

Yup, Vef....6 years on and I still love him...hehe...
More good things to come, Insya'Allah!

insane

it is kinda official!!!..hahah..

i am so freaking addicted to FACEBOOK!!!

Been playing this game called MAFIA WARS on Facebook.

....haiz..it's so freaking addictive.

Otherwise, my Saturday's kinda relax.

There's so many things for me to do on Monday tho, but we shall leave all that for Monday eh...

I recently bought some facial mask called Dainty Design sold in some multiply sprees.

I used to purchase this mask at 3 for $10.00 over the counter at SASA and found that the product is very good-well for my skin it is :) .

It leaves my skin supple, refreshed and pimple breakouts are lesser after I started using it.

I used to try the Neutrogena Deep hydrating mask n SKII masks but I get horrible breakouts but suprisingly with DD, my skin behaves...hehe...

Its even cheaper too at only $1!!

Not only that, the mask is cooling and has a very pleasant scent.

I feel relaxed and pampered everytime I put it on.

Though it is not a well raved brand but I must that say for the price and the effects it gives, its worth it!

So far I've tried the Tomato, Rose, Aloe Vera and Collagen.

To Ameera, thank you for the info on where to get the DD mask online.... :)

As for Esther and LiAnn, your orders are on the way.

Update me once you've tried the mask, ya?

Guess that's it for today's update....back to Facebook it is...hehehe...

wow...

it has been a while alright...
n lotsa things been happening
GOOD THINGS
i'm learning to see life in a different perspective
coz different individuals have different outlooks on life
sometimes, it’s hard for me not to over analyze things and wonder of the hidden meanings or whatnots but like what I’ve said, I am learning to slowly have a grasp of the on goings and try to understand and accept that everyone’s different in more ways than one
ACCEPTANCE
because of this, my relationship with my sayang, has been AWESOME
we’ve finally managed to get thru to each other’s super thick and stubborn skull
LOVE, TOLERENCE, TRUST & RESPECT
Amongst the most important ingredient in any relationships
I too choose to be HAPPY.
LIFE’s too short!
Make the most out of it!!!

you dont love me anymore......

It's August now and been more than 7mths since we got back together.

Things seemed to go on well....You've got your promotion, new jobscope, lotsa bigger responsibilities on your shoulders. But me and my sick mind, just gotta ruin everything.

I just had to ask you the silliest questions when I know there's a lot on your mind. I even pushed you and begged you to the point that you uttered, "I don't love you anymore." It hurts real bad. It was only a Saturday ago that you said infront of your colleague that you feel good protecting me. So why are you hurting me?

I asked, if you'd still like this relationship to continue.......but u said I'll never let you go.....
I've lost you before....I don't ever want to lose you again.

I've prayed and my heart still yearns for you.

I love you.

I'll do whatever it takes to prove this to you.

I'll be here for you, sayang.

I'll be patience.

I love you.

Wedding ring worn on the fourth finger? Why?

I read this from this blog and I find it very interesting. I've always wondered why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger....and this kinda explain it all.......

Try out this simple finger experiment and follow the steps below to discover the answer to this perennial question. It's really a miracle! I was amazed when I first tried out this simple finger experiment which was written in Chinese. Below are the steps which I have translated in English for easier reading. Have fun trying this out!

1. Put your palms together and bend in your middle finger as shown in the picture below. Rest the remaining four fingers on their fingertips.



2. Take note that during this experiment, only one pair of fingertips should be separate at any one time. In this experiment, the middle finger represents yourself.

3. Now, separate your thumbs from one another. The thumbs represent our parents. The fact that our thumbs could separate from one another represents that our parents will leave us one day inevitably.

4. Next, join your thumbs together again and separate your second fingers. The second fingers represent our siblings. When our siblings grow up and set up their own families, they too, will leave us one day.

5. Now, join your second fingers together again and separate your little fingers. The little fingers represent our children. When our children will grow up, they will eventually lead their own lives and leave us too.

6. Nonetheless, join your little fingers and try to separate your fourth fingers. You will be surprised that this pair of fingers will not separate. The fourth fingers represent husband and wife. Through thick and thin, your spouse and life partner will always be the one who sticks with you.It's so touching isn't it?


Another question......left or right finger??....hmmmm

oh ooooo.....

i might have fallen for another.

is this right?

what is going on with my life now?

???????????????????????????????

you've once again disappoint me.
you let me down when i entrust you with something that is important to me.
but i should have known better.

someone came along...

i enjoyed the simple things i do with him.
he's caring enough to be there for me when all i wanted was you.
he was there when you're the one i needed.

he's usually around when you put me in shitty situations

mixed emotions.

i'm lost yet again.

i do not understand you.

and i do not understand my feelings right now.

he makes me smile.

but he's not you.

he makes me feel special.

but he's not you.

he teases me.

but he's not you.

he pampers me.

but he's not you.

they say all men are the same.

but younger guys too?

should i look elsewhere...

should i be with another?

i'm lost, yet again...

it was nice

after the movies that day, we spoke.
you shared with me your concerns and your plans for us in the future.
i truly appreciate that.
there's so many things for us to work on.
we'll try our very best.
we should not falter.
i love you, dear.
i'll always do.

hurting

my head's hurting n i can't think straight.
i said a stupid suggestion n it lead to all these.
i was stupid.
i was neglected.
i wanted your attention.
that is all that i wanted.
it all came out differently.
i am stupid like that.
i dont know half the things i do anymore.
i'm going out of my mind.
i'm missing you already........

truly difficult

i just feel neglected!

you talked about everything under the sun except abt US.

you can go on with the conversation without me participating in it.

i need you.

i need to be with you.

i love you.

i want us.

but it's just me isnt it.

6 yrs on and i still feel neglected.

am i supposed to walk away for the second time?

walk away and never look back.........

*****************

@nayle

"....25 years and my life is still
I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should that the world was made up of
this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath
And I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin' on
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what's going on?
And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time in this institution
And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day for a revolution
25 years and my life is still
I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination..."

talk

we talked it out.

money.

the root of all problems.

i guess the reason it's been stagnant for now is that we both have no savings or whatsoever to help us propel forward to embark on something new for our future.

we had a good talk.

we'll do one thing at a time.

it will not be easy.

but the past 6 yrs hasnt been a smooth ride either.

we'll get thru this, together?

you, me, us....

************

Many nights we've prayed

With no proof anyone could hear

In our hearts a hopeful song

We barely understood

Now we are not afraid

Although we know there's much to fear

We were moving mountains long

Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles you can achieve

When you believe, somehow you will

You will when you believe

In this time of fear

When prayer so often proves in vain

Hope seems like the summer birds

Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here

A heart so full I can't explain

Seeking faith and speaking words

I never thought I'd say

They don't always happen when you ask

And it's easy to give in to your fears

But when you're blinded by your pain

Can't see your way straight through the rain

A small but still, resilient voice

Says love is very near...

************

Baby, I'll always LOVE you.........

(a hope and a prayer.......dear, GOD, pls grant me the strength to over come the obstacles and serenity to learn and believe that there's a silver lining to all these....)

@nayle

breakfree

I find it sad sometimes when the days goes by.

So many things, so little accomplished.

I am happy with the things that I have in life but "LOVE".....that 4 simple letter that forms up to that word makes life more complicated than it already is.

Guess you know where I'm heading to now....

A rationale mind knows what to do but the heart makes it complicated.

Does it?

A recent conversation that I had;

*******************

nonchalant flamboyance says:
good afternoon! you sound pissed

.... says:
i dont know.......i dont understand MEN...hah

nonchalant flamboyance says:
you dont exactly have to understand them coz they dont understand women as well

.... says:
the word "love" between a man n woman's so hyped up, it's just lust...once that fucked shit fades away it's back to shit

nonchalant flamboyance says:
lol..starting is always i love you, you love me..when two gets together and when it comes to staying together...and when the bills come on the table..there wont be i love yous no more

.... says:
that's that.........what abt the pt of 'being in a r'ship' when you dont know where to go from then on? fcuk it i'm babbling crap

nonchalant flamboyance says:
no, that's not crap..that's a good question..basically, you dont continue that relationship

nonchalant flamboyance says:
it becomes unnecessary

.... says:
that's ideal way of thinkin; if it doesnt work out, walk out
but the word 'love' that's being played.....over and over, it's just misleading

nonchalant flamboyance says:
love and romance are part of novelty..after that, relationships sustain when there's a common vision and both can do certain things together most of the time, without fuckin up one another

nonchalant flamboyance says:
its misleading if u choose to allow it to mislead yourself

nonchalant flamboyance says:
at the end of the day, it's just semantics..a word that needs to be translated into action..if not, it remains an utterance

.... says:
true & now to find the/that person who have that common vision with u & and to sustain it.....

nonchalant flamboyance says:
yeah, that's the bottomline

nonchalant flamboyance says:
trial and error sometimes..if u have the energy, keep going..if u dont and think that it's unnecessary in terms of not loving yourself, then dont bother

.... says:
hmm...

.... says:
but life's complicated like that when u have things going on for you and you know that you're all and a promise or two can just jeopardize the ideals you have or that you've been following. i dont know abt men....women, are just born stupid to succumb to all thesecrap and all the emo bullshit...heh

*******************

I stubbornly do not want to give up.

Am I stupid or something?

I dont know.

I dont seem to know anything anymore, do I?

But I do know that I do not want to give up.

Like what NF said, "relationships sustain when there's a common vision and both can do certain things together most of the time, without fuckin up one another "

IT TAKES TWO!

Is he here to stay or..........

hurt hurt

i was hoping the second time round would be better for us.

but am i wrong?

i've loved him to bits.

i've always loved him.

even with his imperfections and all.

i'm so hurt.

just a week without his call, i'm like this.

technically, it wasnt so much for him not calling/msging, but the action.

the fact that he didnt call, let alone msg.

was i ever in his mind?

did he miss me?

i'll never know.

hate it!

hate is a strong word, no?
it sucks big time!
i'm all prepared for my date with you.
i'm dressed for a date.
i've been feeling awesome, amazing.
my monday's been great till you called.

i was delighted to hear your voice.
but i was not expecting the words that you said next...
i understand that you've been ill over the weekend.
i should have given you the benefit of a doubt.
it should be ok that we're not gonna meet up today.
today of all days, you decided to see the doctor, again.
it's ok.
if we're meant to be, it doesnt matter when we'll see each other next.
i've lived my life without you the past 6 mths.
eventho, i've been looking forward to this evening, all dressed up and all....
i am disappointed at myself for feeling this way.
i'm unsure if you're doing it on purpose or....
the feeling i'm feeling right now, just sucks!

i dont know what or how to feel anymore.




@nayle

you

we met last night
after more than 6 mths apart
finally, i'm breathing slightly easier now
i've missed you so much

it was nice seeing you :)

the phonecall

it's been getting harder for me to breathe
i just had to give in
happy
like a lil girl being offered a candy
that how content i am right now
right now
i know this silly head will somehow think of one thousand other things
but for now,
i'm content with the conversation
i'm glad we talked last night
i bit my tongue several times
i badly wanted to tell you how much i missed you
i wiped my tears and breathe in deeply
i put up a 'brave' front but baby i miss you so....

i get it now....

perhaps i was wrong.
so very wrong.
denial.
maybe this is how you feel now.....

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

stupid

yes this is stupid
i kept thinking abt you
MOVE ON!!!
it's been more than 6 mths since we broke-up and never kept in touch
i've tried moving on
getting to know people
meeting new people
but i just don't feel it
what is it?
i want to move on but it's the wrong kinda person
i want to give in but it doesnt feel right
i want to experiment with it but i'm too weak n i know i'll just be hurting myself
there's so many of 'i wants....' when deep down inside and truth of the matter is that, all i really wanted is YOU.
after all that we've been thru,
after all that i've put you thru,
all that u made me endure....
the good, the bad, the ugly....i've always loved you.
maybe what vincent said was true....u've stopped loving me....
i drove you to that decision...
today is tuesday.....i have to start living my own life.

lies

how long has it been now?

how much lower can i stoop?

it's been months since it all ended....

how am i?

i dont know myself anymore.

it's self-destructive they say

should i or should i not care?

what is it?

my heart feels heavy

it's been difficult to breathe

i can't sleep

I CANNOT SLEEP

i've cried

tears just flows everytime i think of you

it's been difficult

i can't stop thinking of you

denial

ego

lies

arrogance

i miss you, sayang

I MISS YOU

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!

I miss you...

we were so wrong

i've tried, trying to be on my own

i'm so lonely

so very lonely

why did it go wrong

why did we let it

why did you give up

why am i crying so hard now???

WHY???

there's so much to say

there's so much to tell

i miss your warm embrace

i miss your smile, your laughter, your presence

why is this test so harsh

why is it so hard

why am i weak

the pain stabbed deep within me

you're so cold

does it help u, being that way

is it easier for you to let go

how did you just throw it all away

to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

enough of procastinating

enough of dwelling

i'm only human

one day at a time

i'll learn to pacify

i'll learn to lick the wound

but for now....i'll just have to pick myself up somehow...

I can do it!

@nayle